Half-Winged Butterfly
by Mikoto Yutaka
Summary: They never on the same page. The more Kuroro hate her, the more Kurapica love him. When Kuroro give his affection to her, she was happy, terribly happy and it made her anxious. She felt insecure and she scared. So she cheated on him and he got angry. When Kuroro angry at her, disappointed at her, she felt she was loved, and she clung desperately to it and craved for it. KuroFemPica
1. Chapter 1

Miko: Well... this is my second KurofemPica fanfic. hahahahaha... so maybe it will be lameee~ please forgive me.

For my dear Indonesian fellas, i'm sorry to not write sequel for Liebesbrief because i lost interest in that and fall madly in love in this new baby.

And, I'm sorry if my english is strange...

R&R and love you all!

Disclaimer: i own nothing!

* * *

**Half-Winged Butterfly**

The black haired man slapped his lover hard, filled with rage. His black eyes narrowed and expressed mixed emotions of hatred, betrayed, disappointed, and love. His palm was stung and so did her cheek which he held silently. Kurapica didn't say a thing. She knew she deserved it. It was her fault after all.

"You bitch…" Kuroro hissed, tried to not yelling in the middle of night.

Kurapica didn't look at him. The short haired girl simply stared at her lover's suitcase. He just came back from business trip and they started their old routine immediately.

"How long do you intend to do this to me!?" He yelled, finally lost his patience at the blonde's silent stare to his suitcase instead to stare straight to his eyes.

"I'm sorry…" She murmured, eyes still glued to the suitcase.

"Sorry?" He threw his hands to nowhere. Oh this was ridiculous. "How many 'sorry' you gave me before? How many second chances I gave you? How long are you going to play this game on us?"

And here they go again. Kurapica glared back at him. Anger clouded her cerulean eyes and she shot back hatefully; "I said; I'm sorry!"

This were they routine; yell at each other, slap, throw stuffs, yell again until their voice hoarse, Kurapica cry like it's the end of the world, Kuroro give up because he always do, made up, repeat. She knew it was her fault. She knew that today Kuroro is come back from his business trip. She knew exactly what time he will arrive at home. But yet she stayed longer then arrived at home thirty minutes after Kuroro, smelled like alcohol, sweats, perfume, and smoke. She knew he will be very mad at her. She knew he has the right to angry. But she _deliberately _came home late and let Kuroro knew what she did while he was gone.

But Kurapica knew it was the way he loved her, with all yells and slaps and hatred. They were never on the same page. Crazy… but it was true that they love each other and they were really madly in love. Kuroro loved her and wanted to protect her from all insecurities she had. Kurapica loved him because it felt right; she felt he was the one she had been looking for, the one who wouldn't walk away.

So how all of this went so wrong?

* * *

1. Onyx

Kuroro was doing his usual healthy jogging activity that morning when he realized someone was sleeping at the bus stop in front of his apartment building. The person was buried under piles of newspapers and only it's long blonde hair could be seen. Because the hair was long, he considered the person as a girl.

He shrugged it off and jogged pass her without much thought.

When he went to the bust stop at 07.30 for work, she was nowhere to be seen.

The next morning, he saw her again. But this time, only her lower body covered by newspapers while her hand covered her eyes. She was pretty small, maybe around sixteen years old or younger. She wore black tank top and baby blue coat with white fur adorned the line of the hood and sleeves and maybe wore a pair of jeans. Maybe.

Kuroro jogged pass her again.

She was nowhere to be seen again at 07.30.

The next day and the next day after and the next day after, Kuroro saw her sleeping at the bus stop and disappeared at 07.30.

But the next week, he saw her curled at the bus stop with no newspaper protected her. She wore her usual coat, black top, black hot pants and brown boots. Her long blonde hair was completely a mess and she held her stomach as if she was in pain. Kuroro stopped and looked at her with concern and curiosity. Was she alright? He crouched next to her, grabbed her shoulder and shook it softly.

"Hey…" He tried. She stayed still. "Are you okay?" When the blonde tensed a bit, he knew she was awake. "Hey, is there something wrong? Are you okay? Are you hu—"

"SHUT UP!" She snapped, swatted his hand off of her shoulder and glared at him hatefully.

Kuroro was surprised at the color of her eyes. It was black, a deep black. He always wonder about the color of her eyes but black was out of the question. He was so surprised that he had to fall silent a moment before he found his voice again. "I uh… just wondering are you okay because you curled like you're in pain."

The girl sat up and snorted. "Is that your problem or _my _problem?" She asked sardonically.

"Well, it yours completely, but—"

"Then FUCK OFF!" She yelled, stood up and stomped away from him

Kuroro stared at her back for a moment and thought about her black eyes.

* * *

Kuroro sighed and ran fingers to his black hair. "Is that what you can say to me? To apologize like it is my fault for not forgive you?"

"No! it's not like that!" She tried to lower her tone. "I—I mean it when I say sorry."

"Oh, really?" Kuroro couldn't stop the anger which was boiling in his head.

* * *

2. Midnight

Kuroro didn't see the blonde for three weeks so he was surprised when he saw her again at the bus stop near midnight. He was about to 24 hours mini marker across the buss stop when he saw her playing with her cell phone. When she glanced to him, he averted his gaze and continued his walk to mini market.

After he done, the girl was still there. She frowned at her cell phone, opened the back, took off the battery and threw all of it to the asphalt. The phone broke and scattered. She cursed under her breath and sat at the bus stop. She pulled her knees to her chest, hugged it and rested her head on it. Kuroro couldn't stop himself when he was stood beside the girl. "You can't sleep there, you know."

But the girl just glanced at him for a while and ignored him as she lowered her head again. "I know you hear me." He insisted.

"Is this yours?" She asked through her knees.

"Nope."

"Then you have no right to tell me what to do."

He shrugged. "But you will get sick if you sleep here with hot pants."

She snorted, tilted her head so her cheek rested on knees. A smirk plastered to her face when she purred; "Whaat? Are you trying to seduce me?" She giggled, "You have to pay a good damn amount of money if you want me."

Kuroro frowned. "Are you selling yourself to me?"

"Only if you buy me."

"Is that serious?"

"If you don't want me just go." She sighed and buried her head between her knees again. "I'm tired and I wanna sleep, so please abandon me."

"But you probably get molested! It isn't safe—"

"Aaaaagh!" She yelled in frustration. She grabbed her head, bolted up and glared at him. "Can you just fuck off and shut up?" She yelled again, "It's none of your fucking business, I'm no one to you and you're no one to me. Can't you get the clue that I hate you and leave me alone 'cuz I'm gonna fucking _kill _you if you keep annoy me!"

Kuroro lost his voice again. The blonde's face was full of rage. Her wrath was too much and it looked like she pressed all her anger by gritted her teeth and clenched her hands strongly. It's like… like she was ready to explode greater than she already had.

When Kuroro just frowned in confusion, the girl went on her yelling; "Stay out of my way! Don't step in! Mind your own fucking shit! Don't say all nasty things you called concern to me because I know it all lies! LIES!" She panted. Her expression showed disgust. She continued with lower tone but still contained wrath and hatred. "Stop playing like you're some kind of savior! Stop seeking someone you can save and don't you dare look at me like I need salvation because I'm not!"

She threw profanities under her breath which Kuroro didn't catch. She cursed at herself while clasped her hands together and smacked it to her forehead. "Shit shit shit shit!" When she realized Kuroro still stared at her, she grabbed a trash can beside her and threw it to his feet. "I said; don't stare at me!" She screamed, turned around on her heels and ran.

She was nowhere to be seen at morning and didn't appear at midnight either.

* * *

"You always said you mean it." Kuroro started again. "But you do it again and again and again!" His voice rose.

Kurapica clenched her hands. Anger, guilt, and disgust mixed together. Her head throbbed, her chest knotted, and her breath went short. "Kuroro…" She tried in a calmed voice.

"I forgive you when you apologize, I give you second chance because you ask for it, I _trust _you when you said you mean it!"

"Kuroro…" A warning.

"I _trust _you and this is how you treat my trust?"

That was it. Kurapica was almost faint because all overwhelming emotions danced in her head. "STOP!" She yelled, and Kuroro stopped. He stopped because he understood and he understood because he was a good man. "Just… jut stop…" She panted a while, clutched her shirt in attempt to calm her anger.

Kuroro groaned when he realized Kurapica was shaking so hardly. He sighed loudly in defeat and pinched the bridge of his nose, "Right… this is too much."

They fell silent for gained their composure once again.

* * *

3. Midningt Friendship

The girl was spotted again at midnight three days later. She was preparing herself to sleep when Kuroro walked pass her to the mini market across the bus stop and she presented him with a murderous glare before shifted to her side and closed her eyes.

Kuroro stayed silent and went to the mini market across the bus stop. After he done and crossed the road again, he fished out a regular sized carton of vanilla milk and nudged the girl's cheek with it.

"Didn't you get the point of what I said three days ago or you just idiot?" She said without even opened her eyes.

"No… I just want to say sorry I interrupt your personal life three days ago." Kuroro said.

The girl snorted, "Why, thank you very much. I humbly appreciate it so can you gracefully fly away with your beautiful wings?"

"Un fortunately I have no wings like you expect me to have and I stay here because I bring you some kind of I'm-sorry gift."

"What if I say; I eat human flesh and drink their blood and mundane things make me sick?"

"Well then, I'll stay here until you take this mundane thing to be your collection."

She groaned in irritation, sat up and glared at him. "Fine. Give it to me."

Kuroro smiled and gave her the vanilla milk then sat beside her. The girl frowned in disagreement. "No one said you can sit here."

"Well, no one said you can sleep here."

She snorted, rolled her eyes and drunk her vanilla milk. When the vanilla flavor hit her tongue buds. She frowned. "Vanilla?"

"Don't like it?" He sipped his coffee.

"I like chocolate more." She sighed and continued drinking her milk.

"Oh… I think you said you like blood flavored milk a while ago."

"Heh, I craved for it." She smirked while bite the straw.

Kuroro laughed. "Well, you seemed to be calmer today."

"Nope you're just delusional."

"I take it as; mind your own shit'?"

Her smirk grew wider. "You look smarter today."

"Why, thank you very much."

She played with her carton before threw it to trashcan. It missed, but she didn't mind to pick it up. Kuroro just stared at her while she leaned back on her arm and stared at the blank dark sky. They stayed that way for a while before she sighed and stared at him with her black eyes. It looked unnatural for her.

"So, mind to share what good things happen today?"

She smiled a bit. A distant smile. "My friend… my best friend was accepted in his favorite university. He got a full scholarship."

Kuroro raised his eyebrows. "Really? What faculty?"

"School of medicine."

"Wow! He really is smart."

"Yeah…"

"It makes me wonder, how old are you?"

She shrugged, "Seventeen. Why?"

"Oh…"

"What about you?"

"Twenty two."

"Really? I thought you're older that that."

"And I thought you're younger than seventeen."

She rolled her eyes and yawned. "I'm gonna sleep now."

Kuroro blinked. "Oh, sure. I gotta get some rest by now." He stretched his arms and got to his feet.

She positioned herself under piles of newspapers and fell asleep. Kuroro stared at her for a while, took off his coat and put it gently over her. The fast asleep girl didn't budge when Kuroro did that, she nuzzled to it instead.

Kuroro cracked a smile and left.

He wondered why he didn't ask her name when he arrived at his apartment.

The blonde with strange black eyes vanished at morning. There was a post-it glued to the bus stop sign;

'I'll give your coat back tonight. :p'

* * *

"Let's… just stop and drop it today." Kuroro sighed.

Kurapica face rose quickly. "No!" She snapped. "We… we must finish this now." Because Kurapica had to make sure about her lover's feeling. Did he still love her?

Kuroro sighed. "No, I don't think so, Kurapica." He put his hands on hip and his head lowered in defeat. "I'm tired, and both of us aren't calm enough for this conversation. We have to cool down."

"But—"

"Please, Kurapica." Kuroro said with a lower tone and Kurapica dare not argue further. She bit her lower lip and fiddled her thumbs. After they fell in uncomfortable silent, Kuroro raised his head. "I'll sleep on the couch tonight."

"N—no! I will sleep on the couch. You're just come back and must be tired. You need to sleep properly on bed."

"But—"

"I'm fine! This is your house, I'm just a—I mean…"

Kuroro sighed again as Kurapica struggled to find the right words. They had been through this conversation so man times before and yet Kurapica still judge herself at that state; a parasite in his house. She always like that. No matter how often Kuroro explained to her, she never understands or stubbornly refused to accept it. Either way, it bothered him to no end. But fatigue won over him so he didn't argue and simply sighed.

"Alright… I'll go inside." He turned around and hesitated for a while before saying; "If it too cold for you… just come in. I don't mind."

Kurapica nodded. "Good night." She said with a husky voice.

There was no good night kisses…

"Good night." Kuroro said and walked to his room, left Kurapica alone, stood on her spot and suddenly found the floor was really interesting.

There was no warm hug during her sleep…

She was alone… curled in a comfy couch. She blamed herself, threw profanities for herself, angry at herself, disgusted at herself. She had a wonderful lover, perfect even, but she couldn't resist letting him down. She always resumes her game, tested how far she could go, only to feel guilt and sadness in the end.

She couldn't resist to see Kuroro's angry face directed straightly at her to make sure he still love her, to make sure his attention was hers, to make sure she belonged to him. It was a pleasure, a relief to see that strong emotion glued to his fair face. It was the proof Kuroro loves her.

The more Kuroro hate her, the more Kurapica love her. When Kuroro give his affection to her, she was happy, terribly happy and it made her anxious. She felt insecure and she scared. So she cheated on him and he got angry. When Kuroro angry at her, disappointed at her, she felt she was loved, and she clung desperately to it and craved for it.

Kurapica embraced herself that night, pledged to be better lover to Kuroro and stop her unreasonable and foolish game… then she fell to a deep slumber.

* * *

Miko: see you all next chapter! Thank you for reading.


	2. Chapter 2

Miko: Hi! I'm back again with new chapter (yay me!) Well, I will be busy with exam preparation (i hate myself for take extra clases but i have to do it) but i will keep writing (because we, teenagers, always have something to do as an excuse so they don't have to study. Admit it!) In fact, i have finished this chapter some days ago but too lazy to publish it. Haha... sorry. Aaand~ thank you from reviewing this story! I love you! And thank you all for reading this story, whether you review this or not, i really appreciate it.

Oh yeah, did you guys read the news? Hunter x Hunter manga will be back! Yaaaayy!

* * *

For Mayuyu: Umm... no, they're not married. They just live together as a lovey-dovey couple. Thank you for your review!

For Retz: Yup! Thank you for your review!

* * *

Disclaimer: If i owned Hunter X Hunter, i will never make Gon and Killua separated!

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II

"_Kurapica… let's runaway together." The brunette boy said. "We have nothing to lose… there's nothing to regret." He smiled sweetly, innocently. _

_That time, they intended to escape from the world._

Kurapica jolted awake and gasped. She sat abruptly and trembled like crazy. Her mouth opened and closed in attempt to gain steady breath like a fish without water. Her eyes swept the room wildly and her voice was chocked in throat. Tears gathered on her eyes. Sadness, agony, anger, confusion, longing, betrayed, abandoned, hated, all emotions mixed into one, tortured her to no end. She hugged herself and cried silently.

_Run…_

_Far away…_

* * *

When Kuroro got up, Kurapica had disappeared. There was a plate of pancakes on the kitchen table, together with a baby blue post-it glued to the table;

'I'm sorry'

* * *

4. Name

As promised, Kuroro walked to the bus stop near midnight and found the blonde girl sat there. She was doing something between her legs which he couldn't see. He sat beside her and looked at her. He studied her face. She was really beautiful with fair face and skin. Her long eyelashes, her small nose, her rosy cheeks, her thin lips, slender neck, perfect body line, small features, she was an ideal girl for every man.

Yet, her black eyes were odd. It was unnatural. The black eyes were somehow dull, lifeless, unfocused and full of hatred to the world. But there was sadness deep in it. And even though she was smiling right now, her eyes didn't smile, there was only sadness and still unfocused.

"Like what you're seeing?" The girl asked. So she did notice him, Kuroro amused.

"Well, how could I be pleased if I can not see what so interesting activity you're doing right now?"

The blonde rolled her eyes. "I make this." She lifted up a small paper airplane.

"Wait, isn't that money?"

"Yup! And this is ten thousand jenny!"

"Wh-what?"

"The plane is ready to take off!" She said cheerfully and threw the paper airplane. It flew higher and higher, let the wind kidnapped it to nowhere.

"Why did you do that?" Kuroro asked when she laughed heartedly.

"Hmm… isn't that interesting?" She hummed.

"That's a waste."

"Doesn't matter… I don't need that, though. I can get money as many as I want. I just disgusted with the money given… oh never mind." She waved her hand carelessly and stared at him. "Thanks for your coat." She smiled.

"You're welcome."

She handed the coat back to him and Kuroro could smell a sweet scent of detergent on it. "You washed it?"

She rolled her eyes again. "No, I drown it in mud."

Kuroro chuckled. "If you washed this, it means you have someplace to sleep properly, right?"

"Nope. I'm completely homeless. I'm just a dirty parasite."

"Why don't you sleep in your employer's place?"

"Like I said before; I'm a dirty parasite." She smirked.

Kuroro stared at her smirk. She judged herself low and yet she smiled. "Oh…" was all he could manage from his mouth.

There was a spark of humor in her deep black eyes. "Yeah. Not just a parasite, in fact, I live as a pet to my filthy rich fatass master." She said with a teasing tone.

The black haired man rolled his eyes. "I hardly believe that."

"Aw, you're not fun." She hugged her knees and rested her chin on it.

"Well I humbly apologizes my lady." Kuroro said dramatically. "If I please, could I learn your name so this sinner can worship you as an apology to my ungraceful behavior."

The girl looked at him in disbelief as she struggled to hold back laughter. "All this time you seduce me without even know my name? And I thought I am quiet popular."

"And here I am thinking you're the one who seduce me first."

"Oh shush! I'm Kurapica and shall you bend your knees before me to worship me for the rest of your life!"

"Just drop this act… I'm out of word right now."

"No fun…" Kurapica huffed. Her interest was drawn to the dark sky.

"I'm…"

Kurapica's cell phone rung, she fished it out and answered it. When Kuroro saw her cell phone he noticed it was different from the broken one he had seen last time. "Yeah? Oh… hmm… not really. No… I'm with a friend. No—oh shush!" The man noticed that the girl used a more relaxed tone to whoever talked to her from the cell phone. "I'm at the bus stop. Yea… that one. What? No no no… I'll walk to your place. Uh-hum… yeah yeah yeah, see you in a while." She rolled her eyes and stuffed the phone to her pocket. "My fatass master asked for my appearance." She said to him.

"Stop saying fatass master. Is that the one you live with?"

"You're right, he's not fat."

_He. _Kuroro frowned slightly. So she did live with a guy.

"By the way, I should go right now. See ya later!" She got up and blew a kiss-bye through her shoulder.

Kuroro watched her walked and called her after a while. "Hey!" When she stopped and glanced to him, he shouted; "I'm Kuroro!"

Kurapica smirked, rolled her eyes and waving her hand as she continued her walking.

* * *

She sighed outside her best friend's apartment's door. She knew she shouldn't come in when her mood was like this. But she had no other choice. She had no other shelter and this place was her last sanctuary, the last place which can give her peace of mind.

She played with her keys for a while and, after realized that he was inside, she opened the door.

* * *

5. Tattoo

Kuroro had known Kurapica for three months now. They always met at bus stop every midnight, chatted and laughed about everything. If they had no topic to discuss, they simply stared at dark sky and enjoyed each other company. If Kurapica couldn't show up at midnight, she would let him knew by glued a post-it at bus stop. Kuroro asked her number once but she said it was not fun to text each other. He found it funny because he secretly agreed with her.

He treasured every post-it.

One night, Kuroro noticed something. There was a tattoo of butterfly on her inner left thigh. "Is that tattoo?"

"Hm?" Her attention shifted from the sky to his question. "This? Yeah… beautiful, right?"

"When did you get that?"

"Hmm… two years ago."

_When our days separated from this world…_

Kurapica let a longing smile shown on his face. "My… my best friend made this for me."

_So we laugh on their back… how foolish they are…_

"You mean the one you live with?"

The blonde's expression suddenly became cold, blank… unfocused.

_Live together… in the place where no one knows…_

"Yeah… sort of…" She trailed off. Stared at the black sky again, but her eyes saw through the sky… was seeing something else.

_Our days searching for nothingness…_

Kurapica got up, she looked like in a daze state and then walked away. Not even bid a farewell, she disappeared just like the butterfly on her inner left thigh.

_Because we have nothing…_

* * *

"_Butterfly?"_

"_Yeah!"_

"_Why butterfly?"_

"_It's pretty, and butterfly is just like us!"_

"_How so?"_

"_Well, butterflies are free, have nothing, care about nothing, only have themselves."_

"_But we're not free."_

"_Not yet…" The brunette boy smiled. "Soon…"_

_We'll break free…_

* * *

6. Butterfly

After the tattoo conversation, Kurapica show up less and less. She showed up about once or twice a week, or even didn't show up at all. She stopped leaving a post-it to let Kuroro knew whether she came or not. But the man kept waiting.

As day passed, Kuroro noticed the blonde's obsession with butterfly. She often used clothes with butterfly pattern or butterfly shaped accessories. He wondered about it, about the meaning of butterfly to her.

Sometimes, during the daylight, Kuroro saw her worked at a maid café, he already knew about it. She talked about her part time job and would break his neck if he dares to step in to the café. Some other daylights, she walked with a group of street guys or just with one of them. Those guys stared at her in adoration, worshipped her beauty. But Kurapica always smiled an uninterested smile, an I-don't-care smile, like he half noticed them. Every time he saw her walked, she was with different guys.

One night, after three weeks of the girl's absence, she showed up again.

Kuroro was sitting at the bus stop when a car stopped right in front of the bus stop. Kurapica got out from the passenger seat, circled the car and leaned to the opened driver's window. They chatted briefly, she giggled, they kissed passionately and the man gave her an amount of money before he left. The blonde sighed and turned around on her heels. That was the first time Kuroro saw her wearing high heels.

"Hello, handsome!" She laughed cheerfully and sat beside him.

"Hey, it's been a while." Kuroro greeted back.

Kurapica shrugged, "I've been busy."

The black haired man hummed. "Your boyfriend?" He pointed his thumb to the direction where the car left.

"What? Ahahaha… nope, just a random 'good man' who is willing to give me his cash." When Kuroro's eyebrows rose high, she continued, "What? You didn't take seriously about me sell myself? What a shame." She stared at the blank sky again with a smile.

"Why?"

"Have no money. Can't depend on my master forever, right? Besides, he didn't have to take care of me. I have a lot of men who is willing to take me and give me money for living."

"What are you saying? Why are you always talk about yourself like that?"

"Because I'm a parasite?" She giggled.

Kuroro frowned. She always like this; switched the conversation with a joke or something else if she didn't want to talk about something. He grabbed her shoulder and made her stare at him. "No, answer me seriously! Why did you talk like that about yourself?"

Kurapica glared at him in anger. "Didn't I say to you to mind your own shit?" she swatted his hands away. "It's my right to talk about myself the way I want." She got up, "Fuck you!" then walked away.

The street lights shone over her, she waltzed through the light, like a butterfly flew through a thousands lights of fireflies.

* * *

Kurapica stepped in, opened her boots and walked to the living room. There was a cheerful and loud voices coming from there. When she arrived there, she saw her best friend sat cross-legged in front of a table with his back facing her and two fifteen year old boys sat across him. Kurapica knew them, they were Leorio's students. He did a side job as private teacher. He still needed extra money for living even though he got full scholarship.

She stared at them blankly; let herself be embraced by the warm atmosphere. After a while, the spiky haired teen named Gon noticed her and beamed brightly; "Kurapica!"

When Leorio and his other student, Killua, drew their attention to her, she managed a smile but it fell in a blink. "Hey…" She greeted softly. "Sorry for interrupting."

Leorio stood up quickly. "No, no, no… you're not. This apartment stills yours too. You are welcome anytime." Kurapica smiled slightly again. "Is there… something you wanna talk about?"

Kurapica averted her gaze to Gon and Killua who were bickering about how to solve the annoying algebra. "Later… I guess…"

"Oh, okay."

Kurapica sighed and fiddled her thumbs nervously. "Can… can I use the bathroom?"

Leorio crossed his hands with annoyed expression. "Do you understand what I said before? _This _is your home too. You don't have to ask my permission every time you want to do something. No, don't argue me. Just go straight to your room and grab anything you need then do whatever you like with bathroom." After that, Leorio sat back and pinched Killua's and Gon's cheek because the two boys literally tried to bite each other fingers.

Kurapica bite her bottom lip. "Thanks." She walked to her room. She used to live with Leorio since the age of fifteen. He took her in after she got nowhere to go and no one to protect her. She stepped in her room. It still as messy as usual with butterflies accessories, canvases, piles of sketches, and various kind of drawing equipments. He had gave her this room and kindly told her that she could stay as long as she want (forever if she want). He gave her shelter, and patiently stayed at her side when she at an almost dysfunctional state; refused to talk, refused to eat, refused to sleep, even refused to live. He was the one who brought her back to solid ground after her world no longer stable. After Kurapica decided to move in with Kuroro, Leorio said to her that the apartment still welcome her. That was the reason why she insisted to leave her belongings in her room; to claim her place in this apartment.

_Because we have nothing…_

Kurapica grabbed some fresh clothes and dragged herself to bathroom. In there, she stripped, got in the tub and turned the faucet, created a domestic rain upon her. She drew her knees closer, clasped her hands and rested it on knees, then her head joined soon.

Oh how fucked up she was…

* * *

7. Paper Airplane and Beach

To Kuroro's surprise, Kurapica showed up that midnight, a day after she said; "Fuck you!" to him. He was so surprised that he couldn't do anything but stared at her with eyes so big. The girl just sat with one hand supported her chin. She didn't glance to him but Kuroro knew the blonde noticed him.

"Hey…" She said after a while, eyes still focused at the mini market across the bus stop. "Can you drive me to the beach?"

"What?" Kuroro snapped.

"I know you have a car even though you always use bus to work. So can you or can you not?" She finally stared at him.

Kuroro was so confused with her sudden request. He stared at her and she stared at him. They stayed like that for a while and he noticed a big bag beside her. Kuroro sighed. "Now?"

"Yes!"

He huffed. "Right… wait here, I'll go get my car."

Kuroro was half running half walking to get his car. After that, he picked Kurapica up and she got to the front passenger sear then threw her back to the back seat.

The beach was three hours trip away from town so they would arrive at three in the morning. Maybe he had to miss work. The girl unexpectedly enjoyed the trip. She propped one arm to window and supported her chin, hummed some random songs while stared out window, and switched radio station every now and then. She didn't say anything and Kuroro couldn't form a word. So they stayed that way until the beach could be seen.

The blonde got hyper excited. She squealed; "Beach!" and turned her attention to Kuroro. "I can open the window, right?"

"Yeah…" Kuroro rolled his eyes, completely amused by the girl's excitement.

She opened the window and laughed happily. "Wooo!"

Kuroro just smiled. It was a good thing to see her smile. The man glanced to her smiling face, the excitement written completely on her face, her body bounced eagerly, like a little child waiting a candy. Kuroro never do this kind of thing; flee to somewhere suddenly without a worry of what left behind, without a worry about tomorrow, only care about this time happiness. Some might call this runaway. But it wasn't so bad, right? Every human needs to take a break from daily stress.

An unknown bliss trapped him. He was fleeing with nothing to worry about with Kurapica smiling alongside him. That was really good.

When they finally parked, Kurapica got out, stretched her body then grabbed her bag and ran to the sandy space. Kuroro chuckled, stuffed his hands on his pant's pocket and followed her in slower place.

"Oh, c'mon!" Kurapica complained at his slow walking. "Help me lit this starless sky!" She yelled as she waved various kinds of fireworks to him.

The young man ran to her and helped her with the fireworks. He had no idea there was so many kinds of fireworks in her bag, he thought it contained clothes. They played with the fireworks. First they lit the stick fireworks and swung it around like a fairy's magic wand. Its lights adorned the gloomy night and it seemed like line of lights and stars surrounded them. Their laughter was loud and heartedly, the sound of the sea seemed merrier, sand tickled their bare feet (because Kurapica insisted to kick them off of their feet.) and wind slapped their hair. He was happy to see her smile, but there was something off about her behavior. He could feel it, but when he saw her smiled at him, he pushed those thought aside. Maybe the girl just wanted to have fun, right?

After played with the stick fireworks, Kuroro shot big fireworks to the sky of sea, made giant colorful stars. Kurapica squealed delightedly. "That was awesome!" She screamed to the sea and it yelled back to her with its sound of waves.

"Yeah, it was great…" Kuroro sighed.

When he was about to sit, Kurapica stared at him with a frown, "Who said you can sit? The party isn't over yet! Help me with this!" She raised a lot of paper airplanes. "Happy flight!" She yelled excitedly.

Kuroro did as he was told. He pulled out some paper airplanes and threw them away. It looked incredibly beautiful, the white paper airplanes were like doves flew through the night sky. Then, after threw a lot of it, Kuroro realized they were so many! Seriously, how many paper airplanes did she make? He absentmindedly unfolded one of those and stunned to see a sketch of butterfly. It was so great! The curves, the lines, the beauty of black and white. He fished out more from her bag and realized that all of them were sketches. Most of them were butterflies, and some various sketches of people's face, hands, wings, small light in pitch black, fallen wing with splattered blood, abstract doodles, and many more. He frowned when he noticed a small writing known as the blonde's sign in every paper. All of this was her sketches! Why did she do this?

"What are you doing?" Kurapica, who appeared in front of him so suddenly, asked curiously. "You shouldn't unfold them, you have to free them!" Before Kuroro could protest, the girl snatched her bag from him and swung it wildly until all of the papers flew out aimlessly. "Let them free! Let them go! Let them find their way!" She yelled happily as she opened her hands widely, with one hand still grabbed the bag, to welcome the wind.

Kuroro frowned. This wasn't right. "Kurapica?" He tried to draw her attention but the girl keep smiling to the empty space.

_Let them free… let them fly… let them go…_

Kuroro tried once again. "Kurapica…" Something was wrong, terribly wrong.

_Free… fly… far…_

A cold shiver crept down his body as he realized her eyes were blank. He grabbed her shoulder and turned her to him. "Kurapica! Kurapica!" He shook her, but he stared at him blankly.

_Nothingness…_

"Kurapica! Do you hear me!?"

"Hey…" She said softly. She smiled at him but her eyes still blank. "Do you enjoy the party?"

"What?"

"Good! This is a farewell party for both of us, so—" In a blink of eye, she pushed him and ran toward the sea as she yelled; "GOOD BYE!"

_Run… leave all behind…_

"Kurapica!" The blank haired young man ran after her, but she was incredibly fast. Oh how fool he was! He must have noticed it since the very beginning. He knew something was off, but yet he keep pushed all his gut feeling away because he saw nothing!

The girl didn't stop even though the water hit her feet, she keep running even after waves embraced her. Finally, Kuroro could reach her and stopped her forcefully. "Stop! Are you insane? Are you trying to drown yourself?"

The girl struggled crazily. "Let me go! Let me go! Let me go!"

"No!"

"Don't stop me! Nooo!"

The young man dragged Kurapica away from the sea. She kept struggling but Kuroro's grip never loosened. "Don't do that! What the—"

"You're the one who did it first!" She screamed hysterically and pushed him away. Bewildered, Kuroro let her free from his grip. "You liar!" She continued, "Liar! Liar! Liar! Liar! You stayed by my side, you stepped into my world, you promised me a forever, you promised me everything! Lies! Lies! Lies! Lies!" She punched him in the chest every time she said 'lies'. "How dare you stop me? I bid you farewell and what about you? You just flee away; leave me behind in this never ending noise! You leave me first!"

_Tears… tears… tears…_

As tears started to running down from her eyes, Kuroro was sure those black eyes weren't seeing at him. "What are you talking about? Who are you talking to? Who do you see?"

"You leave me!" Kurapica went on, she didn't listen to him. "You fucking leave me! How dare you leave me? You promised me nothingness, you promised that all of this noises will go mute! But you leave me! You ran away alone, you betrayed me and let me trapped in this ever lasting noises!"

_Red… red… red… the color of roses covered the white…_

"Uuughhh…." She grabbed her hair, tugged it painfully hard, and shut her eyes tightly. "So noisy… to much noises… shut up! Shut up! SHUT UP!" She screamed to the wind.

Then Kurapica collapsed and Kuroro caught her in his arms.

_Hush…_

* * *

After she washed herself and almost literally drowned herself in the tub, she finally resurfaced and dried herself. She wore her clothes on; blank tank top with butterfly image printed on it and jeans. The blonde walked out and went to the living room. Those teens still there, complained about triangles.

"Ah, Kurapica!" Gon smiled all sunshine and rainbows. He always have those positive auras around him. "Can you make a hot chocolate, pleaaaase?"

"I'm not in the mood." She said monotonously.

"Don't you have to go to the café?" Leorio asked, and rolled his eyes at Gon who pouted childishly. Kurapica nodded shortly.

"Gon! Stop pouting!" Killua pushed his friend's face away.

"Uuuh… it's Kurapica's fault! She refuses to make hot chocolate!"

"Make it yourself!"

"But… you know, Killua, Kurapica's hot chocolate is the best!" Gon sighed dramatically.

Killua rolled his eyes. In his opinion, all hot chocolate tasted same except you pour a spoon of salt in it. "Right, maybe she will pour a poison to your drink if—ow ow ow!" Kurapica pinched his cheek. "The hell—? Aargh! Stop it!" He swatted her hand.

It's the blonde's turn to roll her eyes. "Alright, I'll make it for you two." She sighed.

Gon grinned from ear to ear. "Yay! Do you hear that, Killua?"

"Yeah… yeah…" The white haired teen still rubbed at his reddened cheek.

"I'll help Kurapica!" The spiky haired teen excitedly followed Kurapica to the kitchen.

The teen chirped happily to her about anything he could say. Kurapica didn't listen to him, her mind was completely blank. She just gave him; "Hmm…" or "Oh…" as answers and Gon didn't seem to mind. But slowly, as Gon kept talking, his voice mixed with sounds of water, pencil against paper, fingers drummed at table, traffic, ticking of clock, stove, bubbling water, and many more. All of it mixed at once, produced a buzzing sound which entered her ear and went straight to her head. She lost ability to separate thise sounds and they just go louder and louder and louder. She can't hold it anymore!

"SHUT UP!" She snapped. Gon flinched and turn the stove down instantly. He stared at her with concern and fear while Leorio ran to the kitchen followed by Killua. The blonde girl panted heavily. The buzzing sound didn't stop and she was frustrated by it.

Gon took a step backward. "Kurapica?"

The girl grunted, gritted her teeth and screamed; "SHUT UP!" In wrath, she swept all mugs she had prepared to the floor.

Leorio rushed in and pulled Gon back. "Stay away!" He commanded. Next, he tried to reach Kurapica who keep threw dishes around. "Kurapica! Stop!"

"Shit shit shit!" She murmured, tried in vain to stop all noises in her head. "It's too noisy… shut up… shut up…"

"Kurapica! Pull yourself together!" Leorio managed to reach her but she kept struggled, and screamed, and when she wanted, she could be unimaginably strong. Leorio understood her; he knew what she was trying to do, he knew her depression. He could see all of it; the anger for herself, the unsteady grip on anything, the spark of fear in her eyes. When the blonde grabbed a knife, Leorio quickly swatted it away and tackled her down with him. "It's okay, Kurapica… it's okay. Focus on my voice, listen to me." He whispered to the ear of the blonde who sat on his lap. He hugged her trembled body from behind and keep whispered; "Listen to me, Kurapica. Focus on my voice."

Slowly but surely, Kurapica calmed down. The noises faded away and Leorio's comforting voice entered her head.

"Everything's gonna be okay, do you hear me?"

Then she gave up. Tears melted in defeat. "Noo…" She whimpered. "I'm so messed up…"

"Yes, but you're gonna be fine." He squeezed her hands softly.

"Why am I like this?"

Leorio covered her eyes with his free hand. She needed this, she needed to not see anything. "It's not your fault, okay? No one can choose their fate."

"Everything's so fucked up. I did it again! I played this foolish game again. I'm so idiot." Her voice was chocked, tears was running down pathetically.

"Yeah… I know. You can't stop until you can make sure, right? You need proof, right? I understand, Kurapica." He sighed. "But he doesn't. You have to tell him, he has the right to know, to understand."

"I can't…"

"You have to try."

"I scared…"

"I know."

"I need him…"

"That's why you need to tell him." He said softly. "You have to let him in."

Kurapica sobbed again, she coughed and drew a heavy yet shuddered breath. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For everything." Kurapica sighed. "This is the umpteenth time I break down and threw all your dishes."

Leorio smiled and took his hand away from her eyes. "Well," He turned her so she could look at him. The girl was a mess. Her short damp blonde hair was everywhere and tears stained her face. "Look at the positive point; you didn't break down for the last two years. Isn't that the proof of you getting better?"

Kurapica smiled weakly. "Is Gon's positive aura had gotten into you?"

The said boy frowned in confusion and Killua held back a laugh. Leorio snorted. "Heh, I think you're the one who need it the most."

Kurapica smiled even more. She hugged him like hugging a giant teddy bear and Leorio let her. It's not a big deal, they're best friends after all and he had been doing this since he took her in three five years ago. She was at a worse state back then; had a nightmare every night, couldn't stop the buzzing noises in her head, she was so unstable, couldn't manage her emotion and was easy to break down. At those times, Leorio always held her, comforted her. When she had a nightmare or in a need of comfort, she would sneak in his room and clung to him. He let her be and hugged her. He would wake up if she couldn't sleep, he would try his best to make her sleep again or simply stayed awake at her side and did something to distract her all night. He did all of it because he understood, because he cared of her.

It was pathetic… herself was really pathetic. She had no idea how broken she was. She looked strong outside but broken and fragile inside, yet she refused any help. She fought for something she didn't have to, she knew but couldn't stop and Leorio couldn't stop her because she refused his hand again and again. The guy had given his faith on Kuroro the very moment Kurapica decided to move in with him two years ago. He believed in the straight black haired man that maybe Kurapica would surrender to him, maybe she would trust him and let him help. But Leorio was wrong. The girl she had known since forever still stubbornly fought for the love she already had from her dear lover.

Leorio sighed and hugged her tightly, inhaled the sweet scent of her hair.

To be continue...

* * *

Miko: Well, this is the second chapter. R&R please, because it make me happy like mad! Hehe... Thank you for reading!


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